casualty

In order to lean forward, even a little, while seated, I must spread my legs open to make room for my belly.

When I sat down on the couch five minutes ago I didn’t hike my PJ pants up enough (like grandpa does when he sits down) and they split at the crotch.

the loneliest number (w/ update @ bottom)

 Pregnancy can be a lonely experience regardless of how many people are around you and who those people are.  Women all over the world conceive and labor every day and have been for thousands of years (or however long you believe humans have existed) so in many ways pregnancy is a very routine experience.  But like many other human experiences, no matter how universal some aspects are, no two women go through a pregnancy in the same way.

            I appreciate a lot of the advice I’ve gotten and I’ve been able to shrug off most of the unappreciated assvice.  Still, there are days, moments, where it’s terribly lonely being the only one going through something that no one really understands.  No one. No matter how many pregnancies they’ve gone through, how many friends they have with children, etc. 

            For most people, getting sick with even just a minor cold is annoying at best.  Getting sick with a minor cold when you already have a hard time sleeping through the night, are winded after taking the dog for a walk, have pregnancy induced allergies, and can’t take cold medicines is annoying just to think about, miserable to endure.  

            There are so many great changes that come with pregnancy.  The joy of hearing the heart beat, the reassurance that comes every time movement is felt, etc. and I’m loving it, I really am.  But then there are the allergies, diet restrictions, and a new sensitivity to smells, soaps and lotions.  You can’t roll over in bed without making it a big production once you get as big as I am, and good luck getting on and off the couch or in and out of a car, and everyday it’s a little more difficult to put socks on.  

            (Now I know none of the things I just listed are all that bad, especially compared to the complications that some women experience during their pregnancy. I know I’m blessed.)

            All these changes seemed to happen rather suddenly, that is one of the reasons it’s so difficult sometimes.  I woke up one day and had to replace all of my lotions and soaps* and whenever I ask someone else not to apply their super sweet fruity garden perfume lotion around me I get an eye roll at best and a sample of their lotion smeared on my arm at worst.  -Because, I don’t know, I’m probably just exaggerating my symptoms, or maybe even making them up completely because I’m a hormonal bitch, so it’d be funny and teach me a lesson if you sprayed your perfume in my eye.-

            So as I was saying, one of the reasons these minor changes are difficult is that they happen seemingly overnight.  I’ve barely adjusted to one thing when four other new things slap me in the face.  Another reason is the fact that they are all indeed minor and everyone knows it.  Everyone knows that I could have it so much worse and I should be dancing around celebrating how relatively great my life is.

            The lonely part comes in when everyone who thinks I should be skipping and whistling my way through the day ignores the fact that sometimes I struggle with these changes in my body.  Maybe they don’t ignore so much as they just don’t find it important enough to remember, and isn’t that the essence of feeling lonely?  No matter how many people are around or how busy your day is, if you are continually forgotten/ignored then what was the point or doing or saying anything at all? 

           

*Besides having to switch to milder scented lotions and potions, I had to upgrade to higher quality razors, shaving creams, soaps and washes etc.  This shaving cream is so great I have to share it with all of you.  (All of you that read through this entire wearisome post)  Go try it!

           

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This weekend I traveled with my parents and youngest sister to Walla Walla, WA for a wedding.  We drove.  I won’t go into what a great time it is to road trip with my parents.  I’ll just say that by the time we got home you could’ve told me that I had won a million dollars and in order to claim the money I’d have to get back in the car with the family and drive across the street, a whole 30ft, I would have to say thanks anyway.  

The wedding was in a vineyard which was beautiful, but I was bummed that I spent so much time around all those grapes and wasn’t allowed to try the wine.  I also didn’t pull my camera from my purse until we were almost home again, because I’m a winner.  

Updated to add: The celebrant did a wonderful job overall, but my favorite part was when he quoted Martin Buber’s “I and Thou”.  I had just got my dad to start reading it and it was a fun coincidence. I’m guessing there’s about two of you that get what I’m talking about…

Officially 100 days to my due date.

Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life.

Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

I’ve been struggling lately with my mother on the issue of who gets to make the rules concerning this little one that’s been kicking me harder each day as if to say Hey! Still here! I have feet!

We went looking at a few sales this past weekend, we went to three stores.  i held up a few things that had a lot of green and blue on them, things that may have had a picture of a truck or a baseball or a dinosaur on them… I was informed, that under no uncertain terms would her grand-daughter be dressed in outfits so obviously meant for a little boy.  Trucks!

Whaaaaaaa?

I was *this* close to throwing one of the display strollers at her head.  One with pink on it.

I know I’m probably overreacting a bit because 1) I’m pregnant and NOTHING is cute after the fifth time, much less the 105th time, and 2) that is just how our relationship works.  I’m certain that she lies awake at night thinking of new things to say to me that will make me want to shove marshmallows in my ears.  Marshmallows or firecrackers.    (she fits into the stereotype of mothers that think they are treating their adult children like adults, but really still see a naive little girl that needs her mother to, uh, do everything.) 

So yeah, she is sure I’m having a girl.  not only that, but she has also informed me, several times, that this girl will be born at 7lbs, 11oz.  No Question! how does she know this? because that’s what my sister and I both weighed. Obviously.

By the time we made it to the third store I had worn her down a bit.  (Mostly by raising my voice to an embarrassing level in the middle of the aisles and declaring that if I wanted to dress my child in trucks and dinosaurs I was going to do just that!) She even picked out an outfit that was mostly blue.

 My first trimester I was convinced I was carrying a girl.  So far in this second trimester I am feeling like maybe it’s a boy.  It’s just a feeling.

…speaking of feelings…

Until recently all the movement was in my lower belly, two inches below my bellybutton at the highest.  Yesterday morning I felt some serious movement as high as an inch above my bellybutton. 

Hey! My feet! Still here!

My guess is that before the babe was happy laying lengthwise across the bottom of my belly, and now has repositioned to be more vertical.  No matter what, now that a heel can easily launch full force into my bellybutton from the inside, we now begin Bellybutton Watch 2K7!  In a matter of days I’ll no longer be an innie.

and yes the bellybutton thing is 100%, baby and 0% ice cream sandwiches for breakfast.

i send you elsewhere

The More You Know

Paleolithic Diet

fun photo archive

weekend update

I had a nice change of pace this weekend. 

Saturday I met up with an old friend for lunch.  We went to Jr high together in CO and have only seen eachother once since I moved from there 12 years ago.  He recently moved to Salt Lake City for work and it was just a freak coincidence that we got back in touch right before I came out this way as well.  It was a nice lunch catching up and afterward we walked down some artsy farsty street fair where several people, including one of SLC’s mayoral candidates, asked me how far along I was. 

That was a new thing for me, having strangers ask me about my pregnancy.  I guess it’s nice that I look pregnant instead of just fat.  Still, every time someone commented on my pregnancy I had a moment of “what if I had already had the baby?” or “what if I was just this size?”  would I be offended? they would certainly be embarassed… all that even though I AM pregnant, so it doesn’t really matter.

…moving on…

Sunday after church my parents and I went back down to SLC for the state fair.  It was fun, nothing special really, and I don’t have any pictures.  There was a music tent and the band onstage when we got there was a Navy band that covered older rock songs and mixed them up a bit to have a hip hop feel to them.  They were AWESOME, I want to have a party so I can hire them to come sing for it.  We walked around looking at many stinky farm animals and  crafts (the crafts didn’t stink), all the usual fair stuff. 

Also, I had the best corndog ever. The end.

Now I sit here waiting for the window washer to come and, uh, wash the windows so I can pay him.  I was told that he wanted to come by early to avoid the afternoon sun and heat so I made sure not to sleep in at all.  Coincedently last night was the first night in months that I slept through the night so I’m not as exhausted this morning as I normally would be.  Still, I’ve been up for hours now and the windows? they are not washed.

And now I will annouce that I am dangerously close to not fitting into any of my pants. 

Now I’m going to jump in the shower, well maybe not jump, that sounds dangerous, I think I’ll cautiously step into the shower and if the window washer comes and goes while I’m in there OH WELL. 

Someone is doing somersaults!

Big girl now

 So I’ve been painting furniture on and off for the past few weekends and I think I’ve finally finished. I haven’t re-filled the drawers yet though because even though I’m a big girl now, (yeah I’m 24, all grows up!) I’m nothing if not lazy when it comes to organizing my space.

  Last Sunday was my birthday and it was weird having a birthday at my parents’ house again after 6 away from home. i actually had a cake! And presents! It was nice. I picked out a strawberry cheesecake and have been eating it for breakfast most days since. I got a super soft robe I wanted (breast-feeding made easier!) it’s even green with a little yellow on it! My dad found a neat remote controlled airplane that we’ve had a good time chasing my dog with. That dog is afraid of just about everything.

The best birthday tradition here is that the birthday girl (or boy) gets to have whatever they want for dinner. I found a highly rated Indian restaurant in salt lake city, but it was Sunday so 1) my sister who only works weekends hadn’t gotten off of work (even though she came home early after puking all over the bathroom at work, it’s actually a pretty funny story) and 2) it’s church day, good luck finding a restaurant or much else open.

So we went for Indian the next day and it was very good. my dad was concerned that everything was going to be just a different mix of curry with curry, but was proven wrong when I picked out several delicious curry-free dishes.
Now if I could just complain for a minute… what good is pregnancy if i can’t bitch and moan and get away with it?
I want a time-out.
I want a weekend where I can go for a run in the morning without feeling worn out after 100 yards, eat cheesecake for lunch and not worry about ripping the baby off in terms of vitamins etc, then try one of the funny looking locally brewed beers my dad has in the garage while I sit by the fire outside in the evening…
I think most of this feeling of wanting a break is coming from people around me making it obvious they would like me to have a break as well…
FOR EXAMPLE
I can’t help that certain smells make me sick. Not all strong smells irk me, just a handful of strong perfume/air freshener types. I do have a heightened sense of smell lately and i can tell you what my sister is having for lunch today even though I’m at the house and she is at school…but smelling the neighbor’s dinner doesn’t make me nauseous like these pier one air fresheners that my mom and sister keep buying…and spraying…and telling me to shut up about.

I was actually told that I “have to get over this being sensitive to smells thing”.

I have to get over it?! aggggghhhhhh I wish I could.
Also, my fingernails are growing too fast for my taste…
And thus ends my whining about things that aren’t that big a deal after all.
I should probably go clean my room…