Pregnancy can be a lonely experience regardless of how many people are around you and who those people are. Women all over the world conceive and labor every day and have been for thousands of years (or however long you believe humans have existed) so in many ways pregnancy is a very routine experience. But like many other human experiences, no matter how universal some aspects are, no two women go through a pregnancy in the same way.
I appreciate a lot of the advice I’ve gotten and I’ve been able to shrug off most of the unappreciated assvice. Still, there are days, moments, where it’s terribly lonely being the only one going through something that no one really understands. No one. No matter how many pregnancies they’ve gone through, how many friends they have with children, etc.
For most people, getting sick with even just a minor cold is annoying at best. Getting sick with a minor cold when you already have a hard time sleeping through the night, are winded after taking the dog for a walk, have pregnancy induced allergies, and can’t take cold medicines is annoying just to think about, miserable to endure.
There are so many great changes that come with pregnancy. The joy of hearing the heart beat, the reassurance that comes every time movement is felt, etc. and I’m loving it, I really am. But then there are the allergies, diet restrictions, and a new sensitivity to smells, soaps and lotions. You can’t roll over in bed without making it a big production once you get as big as I am, and good luck getting on and off the couch or in and out of a car, and everyday it’s a little more difficult to put socks on.
(Now I know none of the things I just listed are all that bad, especially compared to the complications that some women experience during their pregnancy. I know I’m blessed.)
All these changes seemed to happen rather suddenly, that is one of the reasons it’s so difficult sometimes. I woke up one day and had to replace all of my lotions and soaps* and whenever I ask someone else not to apply their super sweet fruity garden perfume lotion around me I get an eye roll at best and a sample of their lotion smeared on my arm at worst. -Because, I don’t know, I’m probably just exaggerating my symptoms, or maybe even making them up completely because I’m a hormonal bitch, so it’d be funny and teach me a lesson if you sprayed your perfume in my eye.-
So as I was saying, one of the reasons these minor changes are difficult is that they happen seemingly overnight. I’ve barely adjusted to one thing when four other new things slap me in the face. Another reason is the fact that they are all indeed minor and everyone knows it. Everyone knows that I could have it so much worse and I should be dancing around celebrating how relatively great my life is.
The lonely part comes in when everyone who thinks I should be skipping and whistling my way through the day ignores the fact that sometimes I struggle with these changes in my body. Maybe they don’t ignore so much as they just don’t find it important enough to remember, and isn’t that the essence of feeling lonely? No matter how many people are around or how busy your day is, if you are continually forgotten/ignored then what was the point or doing or saying anything at all?
*Besides having to switch to milder scented lotions and potions, I had to upgrade to higher quality razors, shaving creams, soaps and washes etc. This shaving cream is so great I have to share it with all of you. (All of you that read through this entire wearisome post) Go try it!
This weekend I traveled with my parents and youngest sister to Walla Walla, WA for a wedding. We drove. I won’t go into what a great time it is to road trip with my parents. I’ll just say that by the time we got home you could’ve told me that I had won a million dollars and in order to claim the money I’d have to get back in the car with the family and drive across the street, a whole 30ft, I would have to say thanks anyway.
The wedding was in a vineyard which was beautiful, but I was bummed that I spent so much time around all those grapes and wasn’t allowed to try the wine. I also didn’t pull my camera from my purse until we were almost home again, because I’m a winner.
Updated to add: The celebrant did a wonderful job overall, but my favorite part was when he quoted Martin Buber’s “I and Thou”. I had just got my dad to start reading it and it was a fun coincidence. I’m guessing there’s about two of you that get what I’m talking about…